The Absurdity of Relationships
So we're going to start off with something that I call the absurdity of relationships. And your relationships are absurd. I mean absurd, you look at the things that you're currently arguing about. Really? Like you know. "How many times have I told you to close the cupboard?" (laughs) "I don't like the way you talk to me." Gotta imagine for a moment that your relationships are a garden. And if your garden is full of weeds or your plants haven't been watered. You're not standing there blaming the yard for that. You're not telling the garden that it's too needy. You're just being difficult. Or stubborn. You don't complain that the dirt isn't listening to you. And if you are doing that then you probably need a different course from this one. You're not standing there telling that little patch of earth that it's parents blew it. "They ruined you." You don't yell at your petunias and storm inside and slam the door behind you and flop down on the sofa for six hours of television. Mumbling to ...
yourself about needing space or somethin'. You don't employ some kinda gardening conflict therapist to come in and sort out the difference between you and your little patch of land. 'Cause you know why your garden is over run with weeds. You know why your plants are dying. You know why your yard looks the way it looks. You didn't water it. You didn't fertilize it. You didn't nurture it. You stopped paying attention and look what happened. And some of you look at your relationships in life like we drifted apart. No, you stopped tending. And then justified it to yourself. Stop, we fell out of love. Which is a favorite of mine. Like, there was point when we were both in the love basket together. And it took off, and we were both drifting off into this upper stratosphere in this love basket together. And I fell out. I fell out of the love basket. I fell out of love. They were still in the love basket. On their own. But I fell out. And then I realized I'd fallen out of love. That never happened. That's not how it goes. Just introduced you to the love basket there. Here's what I mean, you stop paying attention. You stop working on it, you stop doing what you know to do. And then your own mind somehow found a way to justify it. Something that you'd done. Or some turn you had taken with your life. And then you get to talk about or explain why it went that way. You failed to give that relationship the care and attention that it needed. And then you blame the other person. Or some mystery. Like the love basket. You blame your spouse, your kids, whoever. For wanting attention, for asking more of your time. For acting in ways you'd rather they didn't. And then you throw your hands up in the air with the, "I tried." Or "I'm trying." You are never quite at the epicenter of why people in your life have become distant. Or why they're now resentful or argumentative. Or maybe why they've cut you out of their life. 'Cause clearly that's their problem. You had nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with it. "I gave it my best." I mean you can explain it. And you've got the whole, like in case anybody stops you in the elevator and asks you, you're ready to go. Why'd that relationship not work? "Oh good, just pull up a chair. "Let's take it back to the beginning." In this course we're going to take a different approach. A challenging approach, a thought provoking approach. What I'd like to do is get you at the source of how you handle your relationships. And then finally uncover why they're not as great as they really could be. How they really could be. You're going to take a long hard look at this mess. Which is kinda like my thing. You know, I'm not one for telling you that you're a butterfly and you need set free. Why do I not do that? Well fundamentally because you're not butterfly. (audience laughs) You're an asshole. (audience laughs) And the reason why your relationships aren't working is cause of an asshole in them. And I'm saying that in full knowledge that I'm one of ya. I'm not saying that like I'm any different. But there was a massive realization for me and my wife. And I realized that in all my relationships I was in them. And that I was in certain ways in them. They just didn't work. It didn't work for me to be like that. And pretend that this was OK. And that this was fine for me to be this way. So you're going to take a long hard look at this mess and I'm going to show you new ways of expressing yourself. New ways to foster better more expansive relationships. The kind of relationships that are expressive of who you are and what you say your life is about. Aristotle would say, "Wishing to be friends "is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit." It takes something to tend the garden of relationship. There's different seasons to it. You don't always just get to bask in all it's summer glory. You gotta deal with that little patch of dirt in the winter too. So the reality is you can't just start and pick relationships from a tree, fully grown and ready to eat. Starting from right now, in this moment in your life, you are on the hook for your relationship. And that's where you've gotta start. You if start with, "If all my relationships "are reflective of me, how are they going?" And I'm including those people that you're refusing to talk to. "I will not!" "I will not!" You just want to get present to what you're doing to yourself. Like who are you becoming? And in the name of what? And what I'd like you to do here is take ownership of your relationships. Of transforming and finally freeing the people in your life from having to dance around your stuff. How many of you've got people in your life that you feel as if they act in a way that to you that's unacceptable? Get your arms in the air, come on! My gosh some of you just texted them before you walked in to the room! (audience laughs) "See you at five!" Unacceptable behavior though. And you'll notice how much you, kinda grinds at ya. They should be less this, more that, less that, more this.