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During the Negotiation - Prime Value

Lesson 8 from: The Power of Negotiation

Vanessa Van Edwards

During the Negotiation - Prime Value

Lesson 8 from: The Power of Negotiation

Vanessa Van Edwards

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Lesson Info

8. During the Negotiation - Prime Value

Lesson Info

During the Negotiation - Prime Value

Let's dive right into Step 1. So, the very first thing that I want you to do that I briefly touched on earlier is Priming Value. So I think that 'priming' is actually a very interesting psychological concept that we don't take advantage of enough. So, The Power of Priming from a scientific point of view is that we're using words and images to shape experiences and actions, meaning, the words or images that we use or show change the person that we're with. Specifically, in this study that was done in 1996, you might have heard of it, what John Bargh and his colleagues did is they had a couple of different conditions in their lab. They had people come under their lab and look at a list of words that were scrambled. In the rude condition, he had them unscramble a list of rude words like: rude, aggressive, impatient, fast, and he had them unscramble these words. Basically, priming the brain to think with these words. In the polite condition, he had them unscramble 'polite' words, so, patie...

nce, kindness, compassion, politeness, right? All these kinds of words he had them unscramble them. In the neutral condition he completely neutral words for them to unscramble. Then what they did, this is very clever, they had them take their sheet of paper, walk down the hall, and turn their answers into a researcher. But, the researcher, who was actually an actor, was talking to someone else. And they were talking to someone else for about, I think the timeframe was 10 minutes. They want them to see how long the participants waited before they interupted. In other words, if you are like I have to go, I want to turn in my sheet of paper, how long will you stand there listening to someone else's problems before you say excuse me can I just give you my sheet of paper? So what they found was, How long will they wait before interrupting, after 10 minutes, the rude condition waited for 60% of the time, so 60% of that timeframe. I'm sorry, 60% of them waited, 40% of the neutral condition waited, whereas the polite condition 20% of them just sat there the entire time. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Wait, I think I had these reversed. So the more polite words they unscrambled, the longer they were willing to wait. Whereas the more rude words they unscrambled, the less they were willing to wait, the more impatient they got, the more rudely they interrupted. Very very simply showing that when you prime someone for patience they are more likely to be patient, when you prime them for aggressiveness they are more likely to be aggressive, when you prime them for excitement they are more likely to be excited. That was why earlier I was hinting tell them you're going to give them a treat, tell them you've put a lot of work into the call, tell them you are really looking forward to the call. When you do that, you are priming them to also be more excited and have a better interaction with you. So when we are talking about the power of priming, I want you to think about as you are walking into the room or those few minutes before, how do you elicit the exact outcome that you want to produce? What do you want the feeling of the meeting to be? For example, for a bride it might be calm, for a client it might be efficiency, for a boss it might be excitement or energy. You want to think very carefully about that emotion because not all emotions are created equal, and you can actually prime people to have that exact response. A couple of examples, so here is a very typical confirmation meeting, for example, if you have a call or a meeting, usually you send out a little email saying, you know, we're going to have our meeting next week, this is a typical one. We're all set for the meeting next week. I'll prepare an overview and sample proposal for you. Then we can review them. Right? Very common, neutral, all neutral words. If we were to unscramble all these words they'd be neutral. Here is a much better one. So here is positive priming. I'm very much looking forward to collaborating next week. I will prepare a goal worksheet and overview of desired outcomes for both of us. We can work through everything together. Same exact email, same exact message, totally different emotional results. Every email, every message, every prop that you are sending should be thought out with what is the emotion I want this to produce? What are the words that I want to use to produce this emotion? Another thing to think about is using more words like we, our, or us. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that using ingroup pronouns like we, our, us, increased the positive feelings of people in a conversation. This is a great thing to keep in mind when you are writing emails, when you are thinking about how you are going to walk into a room, those we, our, us, pronouns work a lot better because you already have an agreement, that priming of an agreement that we want. Before, so this a little bit before we're kind of, this is my transition from before to during, so before, your emails, your pre-calls, your calendar invites, your calendar invites, in a weird way, is your best priming opportunity. What do you put in the description of your calendar invite, if anything? Most people are like, meeting with Sarah, send 9a.m. on Tuesday. What if it was, brainstorming call with Sarah, description, reviewing goals together for desired outcomes for the next six month plan, strategizing, collaborating and creatively thinking about long-term and short-term goals. That is the biggest missed opportunity that we have is in those calendar invites. So thinking about your title as well as your description. And of course, your materials, right? When you are preparing your proposal and your testimonials, what kind of emotions do you want to come through in those? During. So now we're going until we're actually in the room. I believe that priming is going to set you up for those first few moments. What kind of rapport-building questions do you want? If you want that collaborative, teamwork atmosphere, you're better off asking more personal rapport-building questions, but if you want to stick to business, business, show efficiency and competence, you're better off talking about industry trends or news updates, or things that you've researched about them. Right? Those are two totally different kinds of rapport-building questions. In your workbook, I have a very long list of my favorite priming questions, ideas, and scripts. They are literally scripts you could either say on a phone call or drop into an email if you want, just until you hone your own skills to be able to write your own. So you can totally swipe my scripts if you'd like them. I also want you to think about your own positive primings. Remember how our own feelings of our ability affects our negotiation ability. When participants were primed to have positive expectations, they were significantly more successful. You'll notice every word I use in this course is excitement, teamwork, agreement, collaboration, value. I only used negative words anxious, nervous, and fearful, at the very very beginning, the first five or six slides, and I will not use them again. Why? I do not want to prime them in you. Right? My goal is to prime them in you. My goal is to prime control, and excitement, and being able to have agreements in these negotiations. So even in my materials that happens. All of the students in the study were given the same proposal, the only difference was their attitudes. So in this particular study when they gave people proposals, they found that just telling a student you should have positive expectations vs. you should have neutral expectations vs. you should have negative expectations changed their bargaining outcomes. So I am telling you that you should have positive expectations. Here is the other aspect of charging. When you charge the right amount, you do better work. When you have lots of batna's, lots of alternatives, you feel more freedom and flexibility in the creative, strategic thinking that you do. In addition, when people pay the right amount, they appreciate your work. I don't know if you guys have found this, but I have found that every speaking event that I do that's either free or I've discounted my price tremendously they are the most amount of work, they ask the most questions, I get the worst testimonials, there is something about paying for good quality work also makes them appreciate your work and take your work more seriously. I offer both free and paid courses. Creative Live, we offer free and then we also have paid. I have noticed the students who pay for courses take them more seriously, do all the homework, and have better outcomes because they've put a dollar amount behind that quality. So it's very important not just for you to charge for your work because you deserve it, but also to make sure that's helping your clients do better work as well. Same with bosses, right? If you are showing up and they know that you are there paying you at the top rate of your salary range, they are going to make sure that they are taking advantage of all of your skills. And that's what we want.

Class Materials

Free Bonus Materials

Vanessa Van Edwards - Worth Audit
Vanessa Van Edwards - Why Negotiation is a Life Skill
Vanessa Van Edwards - Quotes Cheat Sheet
Vanessa Van Edwards - Negotiation Goal Worksheet
Vanessa Van Edwards - Mistakes Cheat Sheet
Vanessa Van Edwards - Best Books on Negotiations
Vanessa Van Edwards - Sample Videos

Bonus Materials with Purchase

Vanessa Van Edwards - Negotiation Cheat Sheet
Vanessa Van Edwards - Laws Cheat Sheet
Vanessa Van Edwards - Proposal Templates
Vanessa Van Edwards - They Say, You Say
Vanessa Van Edwards - Raising Your Rates Swipe Files
Vanessa Van Edwards - Money Scripts
Vanessa Van Edwards - Gotcha Moments
Vanessa Van Edwards - Deadlock Cheat Sheet
Vanessa Van Edwards - Cold Pitch Swipe Files
Vanessa Van Edwards - Case Study - Wedding Photographer
Vanessa Van Edwards - Case Study - Corporate Speaker
Vanessa Van Edwards - Asking for a Raise Swipe File
Vanessa Van Edwards - The Power of Negotiation Workbook

Ratings and Reviews


Vanessa is such a life changer. I feel so priveledged to have discovered all the wisdom that she shares. My dream is to be able to afford an in person training course with her. In the meantime, I watch the courses and purchasing them so that I can listen over and over. Wish my mom, who is now on life support would have been healthy and alert to have listened with me since my mother is my inspiration to seek how teachings from people like Vanessa. Mom, hoping that you know that I am continuing in your footsteps. Thank you Vanessa and hoping one day to learn from you in person.

Michele Gibson

What a valuable course! I appreciated Vanessa Van Edwards turning negotiation into a learnable skill. She lays out, step by step: * how to prepare for a negotiation, including a comprehensive worksheet, * what to say (and what not to say) during the negotiations, and * how to follow-up in the most effective manner. I learned skills applicable to complex work situations as well as getting my kids to do more chores. She teaches you how to turn an adversarial negotiation into a "partnership" which not just sounds good, but it is good and she gives you detailed, insightful guidance for how to do this. The 116 page workbook is crammed with practical insights. The 3 hour class and bonus materials are jam-packed with information I can use right now. So worth the investment.

Kaeli Sweigard

This was the perfect course at the perfect time for me. I have a lot going on right now and I know these skills are going to help me out every step of the way. They are transferable to so many situations! I can't believe how much awesome stuff there is in the workbook. Every question I have is answered, and there are so many examples, it's insane! Everyone should do this course.

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