Breaking Down the Money Rules
admit your mistakes. I know this is like it's so simple. You know, you might be thinking like I don't need this much information about, like, nurture, don't act. But isn't that didn't we just get, like so much like, good stuff to use about how to communicate? And if you go with these rules to live by, I mean, it's gonna be really difficult for you to fail. I'm not saying your relationship is definitely gonna like I don't know what other issues air coming up, But here's what I know If you if you apply these rules and you bring money to the table, you have transparency of the finances and you overcome your own money issues. Then I do feel confident to say that money money will not ruin your relationship. Let's remember that so number to admit your mistakes. So again, in your manual, you got a little bit, uh, story here number Page says we all make them just so you know, we all make mistakes. I've only told you a 1,000,000 of mine. And once you start to talk about money, you will have a ...
wonderful opportunity to look closely at your choices take stock of your actions may be buying that expensive coat without telling your partner wasn't a good idea. And notice what? Maybe you didn't dio Oops with that bill. Do already, right? Maybe. Maybe another mistake. So it's very easy to think it's someone else's problem are to blame someone else. And it is. It's always someone else's problem and your problem because we all have issues, right? But when you admit your mistakes, your partner begins to surrender. Like, Imagine you say to your partner. You know, I'm I'm so embarrassed. You know, I haven't looked at her money, and it's a big mistake I've made over the years, right? That's a big mistake. Is he gonna be like in your face? Yeah, Erica, it's a huge mistake. You told Idiot. How could you have done that? I hate you. I can't believe you never look in your money like Look how it's ruined our relationship. No. Like if you come to the table on your like I messed up, you know, I bought that really expensive outfit or I purchased that. I don't know what people buy shoes. I bought those shoes or I bought that fancy car. And I realize now that we're looking at her money, that probably that wasn't appropriate for us. You know, I think I made a mistake, you idiot. No, it's gonna be like, That's cool. Like I don't worry about it, honey. Like it's okay. Like we all make mistakes. I love you. I love you. It's OK. You come to their like to there. Um, what's Thor so hard to think of? These rescue. It's kind of like doctors. My brain is having this broke. Dr. Phil says, you know, our Robin or both of them. It's like, you know, your partner should be that soft place for you to land. That's good. That nice? Yeah. Like to the rest of you. It's true. Thank you. Rescue. Another huge word. I told you I didn't get into the gifted program. Okay, good. So this is the important part, right? Down a time when you made a mistake with money. Let's do it right now. What was that mistake? Maybe spent too much. Maybe you weren't paying attention to it. What specifically did you or did you not dio at stake was You know, I went and splurged and traveled around the world for a year. I did that, but it wasn't a mistake. But what was a mistake? Right Time in time when you made a mistake with money, can you think of one to share Michelle? Um, I I I bought two cat carriers because we needed new cat carriers, but I bought these really beautiful ones that were expensive because they were beautiful and expensive and could double as cat beds. And I could have bought less expensive ones, but they were really beautiful. And they delighted me. And he feels now he's he's resentful. And he told me that last night was resentful about it, and he feels like I could have made a better choice. Awesome. And it's true, I could have made a better choice. I the aesthetics of them were very pleasing to me. And I spent extra money that I could have made a better choice. And you could probably get that feeling by not doing that because you you see the world as beautiful. I mean, you use words like Is she always talking about beautiful, right? That's the word. He used the most beautiful. So you see the world is beautiful. So you could have picked a flower and felt that same beauty, right? Except I see their cat beds in my bedroom every day. OK, so you could I'm making it up. Yeah, I know your world. I know you already from a couple days that you could create that same feeling if you chose to, By doing something different without spending any money, you create the same feeling, right? But here's what I love about what you just said. What happened again to to remind everyone what happened is you got totally vulnerable, right? She went to her partner totally vulnerable, even telling him things he does not want to hear. I don't know if I'm totally committed to you. And did it get worse? Know her biggest fear? It didn't happen. It got better. And then what happened? He said something. He's probably thinking. How long ago did you buy that about Foreman? Four months. 04 months. And yesterday, when you brought that up, he decided that this was the time to bring this up. Well, I said I said, I know that you're feeling resentful about some of my money decisions. I would like it If you would tell me what they okay. So even better. So you not only went there totally vulnerable exposed yourself. You're naked here Like this is me. This is my fear. I'm scared. I don't even know if I want to be with you is gonna be awful And it turns out to be great. And then you take it one step forward to be in total control cause you choose your life. You're not waiting for him. You choose your life and you say please tell me what has bothered. I know you feel resentful and I'm open. You basically said I'm open to hearing where it is so I can change. Is your life going to be different now that you're starting to put you control it, right? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. So admit your mistakes right down a time when you made a mistake in the way you treated your partner. Okay, so we just did What a mistake you made with money. Now A with the mistake you made treating your partner. So I made these mistakes all the time. I mean, my husband is just so giving loving. Not that he's perfect. He makes mistakes, too. And I somebody's don't feel love and I don't feel like I was treated properly. But I talked about going from 0 to 100. Have you guys ever seen how I met? Your mother? Probably won't be as funny. Then I'll just tell you, I'll try. So there's a character funny enough. Her name is Robin, spelled with an I. Her name is Robin, and she's like this wonderful person. You know, all the characters are funny and everything like that, and she's told nice to everyone. But there's this one person in her office named Patrice, who she's always yelling at, and she goes like, This is I'm using the story because she goes from 0 to 100. It's like Patrice, She's this lovely person. She's so sweet. She comes in, like with carrying Robbins person. She's like Robin, I got your purse, you left in the elevator and someone tried to steal. And here it is like she's like, overly generous and sweet and loving and and Robin goes No, I like I know that's really loud and scary, but it's basically 0 to 100 she's like, no one asked you histories. Why? Don't know why you touching my purse? My purse, That's what you're ruining the leather. And then, like Patrice comes on day Robin, Robin, I made you cookies. What are you doing? What you're talking. You make me cookies. I want to diet histories. Get away from trees like she just screams at her. You gotta look it up. Just look it up on YouTube. It's hilarious. I probably owe job, but that's how I am sometimes. Like out of nowhere. My husband does something. It triggers me. Its eyes followed. It's mine and I go from 0 to 100. Why is saying that? What do you know? Like I go, Well, uh, go OK, I make so many mistakes, but what's great is that I recognize this, and I'm always trying to get better. Like I'm growing your growing. He's growing. We're all trying to grow so that we can grow together from your mistakes and they will surrender to you and come to your rescue things right? Thio going back to the whole texting conversation about reaching out in a way that your partner responds. Teoh. So no debt continued on the conversation with the text banking her husband for growing grocery shopping. He then thanked her and returned for turning those groceries into meals. And then he asked if he needed to stop for anything tonight. Now, she said, he's a spendthrift, sow or Sally? Yes. Uh, which you know, Who knows what the meaning is. But they were certainly impressed. No debt, please was certainly impressed with the reciprocation of it and how immediate. Ah, these These things can happen just by that simple change. Like you're saying Awesome. So awesome. So no debt, please. That's that's the name. So no debt, please would be awesome if you instead were no debt, please. You decided to be like total abundance or like financial freedom or something like that. Because if you're focused just to remind in May, it just reminded me because I think that's like, Don't you wanna be debt free? Everyone want to be debt free like it's totally common, and it's awesome, and it's a great thing to focus on. But if you always focus on the debt, you're not focused on the money and making it and having it, and then tend to keep having the debt. So back to like it just reminded me about manifesting what you want. Isn't it interesting how, like our beliefs are always there coming up in handles like isn't that interesting? Like someone else's named stressed, like, Wow, you're really taking that on, Like as an identity. Like this is who I am. I'm stressed. I That's my name right now. And it's great to like, not reveal your identity. But isn't that interesting? Something for you to think about is not interesting that I use the name stressed or use the name. Um What was it? No debt, No debt. Please write eso interesting. Oh, what? We're still learning things like everything's coming together. Isn't that crazy? Ok, number three don't fix your partner if you have a banana, right? It's curved, isn't it? What happens if you try to straighten the banana brakes? Don't fix your partner. Your partner is a banana. That's the analogy. Now, Now, But think of it that way is if you try to fix your partner like do you want to be fixed? Are you broken? No. You are not broken and you don't need to be fixed. If I try to fix anything on your husband that you know what he does. I already told you about him. Fight me. Cannot make him wrong and tell him how you feel and ask him for Ask him to do. He will do anything, but I have. I tried to fix him and change him. Oh, while it's tempting the pile blame on your partner. Don't do it even if he overspends or she has lost a bunch of money in the market. Pointing fingers doesn't help. Your partner is not broken and does not need to be fixed. You won't be able to change your sweetie anyway, so why bother trying? What your honey needs is to be accepted and to be loved unconditionally. Well, we already talked about this. When you push someone, they just want to push back. When you accept, acknowledge and appreciate someone completely check this out. They often raise their own standards. I'm going to read a little more because this is good stuff. This is all in your manual. You can read it again and again. This does not mean you can't talk about things that bother you. Just don't do it in a judgmental way. Remember, as much as you may think that your partner is the one with the problem. It takes two to tango, right? So right now, right down. What do you need to accept about your partner? Maybe Something you don't like. But you need to accept it. What do you need to accept about your partner? Maybe you feel like you already accept everything about him. Great. Everything all the time. I need to accept him, no matter how scared I am. Yeah, I'm just We've been together for 12 years, some trying to think of things that I that I resist about him, and I mean, he's by no means not flawed. But I don't think that there's anything that I That's awesome. You're very accepting, loving person. I should learn from you. So that's great. So one thing, if you want to take it to the next level, is to ask your honey, Has there ever been a time in the last week just to make it easy? Has ever been a time the last week or maybe month? If you can't think of anything when you didn't feel accepted when something I said made you feel like you weren't accepted or that I was judging you was ever a time, you know that you felt like you weren't loved. I mean, you can use that as well. And then you might say, maybe he can't think of a time. That's awesome. But maybe another way to say it would be. What can I do to make you feel even Mawr accepted. You're You're in control, right? It's all about you. If you just decide, you want to take your relationship the next level and you just start giving and following all these rules, your relationship will grow. Now, if that person meets you there, if your partner meet you there, then it could grow even more. But you showed by by being the example, showing the example by influencing them by accepting them, you can influence them. Relationship. Congrats. Oh, how can you show your partner that you love him or her unconditionally? Great stuff. Okay, last last three come in. One chunk here. It's no judging, no blaming and no excuses. Now, these air rules that, by the way, in a second, I'm gonna bring up the money mastery map these air rules, by the way, that our daily rules these air daily rules to live by nurture. Don't nag. Admit your mistakes. Don't fix your partner. Know judging No blaming no excuses. And I will tell you it may be a challenge. Sometimes every day, all the time. No judging, no blaming like it just happens. So if it happens, what's gonna happen now? Is it going to start to notice it? We'll just judged him. Or maybe you can tell your partner Well, if you feel judged, can you just let me know something I don't even realize I'm judging? And he tells me like he feels judged. I'm like, Oh, good to know. Do that any more. Cool. No blaming. You know none of this pointing fingers. It's your fault. And if you do it, sometimes it happens. OK, but this is what you're striving for. You want the ultimate relationship, the ultimate relationship with your money and your honey. This is mastery, mastery of your relationship, mastery of your money. So bring that standard up, raised the bar. No judging, no blaming, no excuses. And now these three rules are going to say going into this one chat weekly format. Okay, this is the one chat weekly format. This is what I was talking about. I didn't have it exactly structured this way. But remember the clients I told you about? Who? The wife. She was feeling like it was all my fault. And she was blaming me. You remember that story? And then, um, one of the things that I did with them because it was too much to look at their money. As I said, Just do this for 15 minutes a week. I want you to do the one chat weekly format, so it's really simple. It's in your manual on page 102 and it stands for It's an acronym stands for compliments. I see. Why is it called chat? As if the chats. Only 15 minutes. Remember, we're making this not a big deal. We're going talk 15 minutes a week. Oh, man, it seems crazy, right? For them. It was really crazy to talk 15 minutes a week about money like that was just like they've never done that before. Been married like 15 years. 20 years on a long time. Okay, so you start by complimenting your honey Erica, what's one thing you could say to your honey as a compliment around money. Keep it around money for not keeping our own money. Um, you do a great job at setting ourselves up so that we could be financially free. That's not specific. Okay, that's okay. I would like to hear that. Like that's a great compliment. Would you like to hear them? Honey, you do a great job setting us up to be financially free. I'm sure he feels really good when you said that, right? Okay, great. Now what you do, you could do one of two ways. You can go through all of these, and then you say this, or you can alternate. So it could be What's this? Wasn't it Chris? Chris? So Chris can say? Well, honey, what I love is that you know, I'm really, really happy, because now you're you're taking this on your you're willing to look at your money, and you brought this to me. You took the time to take this course and invest your time and your energy into making it happen To have a richer relationship with your money. Like that's your big thing, right? And he compliments you. And even though I said I just said that I'm not. Your honey doesn't feel kind of good like you did it. Awesome. So then you can alternate. Okay, Higher standard. So higher standard starts with you. Wow. We're talking about you again. Shocker. How can you hold yourself to a higher standard? This is what you would tell him? Not me. What you would tell your honey hawking Arena hold yourself to a higher standard. How could I hold myself higher? Standard I tell in relationship to what I would be telling him. Like about money. What you would tell him exactly. Right, Honey, we're having this talk. You just complimented him. He just complimented you. And now you're like, Honey, I'd like to be more involved in in our money decision. Okay, Cool. So how I'm gonna hold myself to a higher standard I'm gonna here, I'm gonna make it like different language because he's a little resistant to having you involved, right? So I would say I'm gonna make myself available to be involved with the finances. Does that make sense? Because now I'm not pressuring him. I'm like, I'm gonna make myself available to be involved with finances. Like anything you want me to, like all start with baby steps. If you're not ready to show me everything, Fine. Let's start looking at our expenses together. Can we look at yours and mine as a unit? As a as a couple. Okay. Then he's gonna tell you how he can live. Now you get he gets toe play at a higher level to because he's going to start saying things that you're like, Wow, I didn't even know he was ready to take that on. She was ready to take that on. Next is action, Michelle. What would you tell your honey one thing in the next week? This next week, One thing you are gonna do to take action. I'm going to put a soon I'm going to interview a new housemate. And as soon as she moves in, I'm committing to putting $250 a month at least a minimum of $250 a month in savings. Wow. Okay, so I'm gonna chunk it for you. That's perfect. This is your goal. Like it's a little bit longer than a week of imagining. Right? Might not happen this week. Yeah, this part. Oh, yeah. That that would be right. Now, as we're gonna talk, you're gonna have a weekly one chat weekly format. By the way, why is it one? Because you do one of these one of these one of these in one of these? Not like I'm here. The action items. I'm gonna do it. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You can do that in your Kim Jin. Your monthly thing. That's fine. But for right now, I'm just making this a 15 minute quick meeting action. So your actions that this week not next week, we're gonna have another meeting gonna have something else to do next week. This week I'm gonna interview a housemate as much as that's in control, You do everything you can to make that happen. The last part is true. So time to be vulnerable. You just learned that being vulnerable is powerful. You just told your honey it's very vulnerable thing. What's one truth, Erica, that you can tell your honey that maybe is a vulnerable truth? I feel like I've let you down because I haven't been on top of the finances. Whoa. Now she's killing two birds with one stone. She's admitting mistakes. I feel like I've let you down because I haven't been involved in finances. Like if he heard that he's gonna come to your rescue, right? How? No, honey, it's okay. Like you did the best I can. But let's just do better now. I'm with you. I support you, and he's gonna tell you the truth. Maybe he says, I feel like you've let me down. Fine. That's his truth. That's okay. He's not saying in judgmental way, because what happens in this this session, right? Remember during this 15 minutes, the main things you want to focus on just in this 15 minutes. Okay, if you can't do it every single day in this 15 minutes, no judging, no blaming and no excuses. This is what I told this couple who remember was on the brink of divorce. I'm, like, just spend 15 minutes when the 15 minutes are up, it is done. You have to get this done in 15 minutes. Now, you, my husband and we talk about money, probably every day, like it just comes up. But we don't have to have a one chat weekly format, necessarily, like it's kind of in our life and we do daily questions and we're complementing each other and doing things like that. But we still like to do it because it's nice structure and you just make sure to get all those things so you can talk about money other times for more than 15 minutes, but especially if you have a challenge talking with your partner. If you haven't talked about money before, you don't talk about money. Well, meaning you fight or you There's a lot of tension. Then all you do you schedule a 15 minute meeting. So right now, what I want you to do here in at home is to take out your phone, your calendar or if you don't have your calendar right here cause you're in the studio right down what day and what time of day you're going to commit to having this 15 minute meeting. Now, you may not have discussed it with your partner yet, but I don't care. I want you to decide for yourself first, and then you can change it. So if you think Monday night at seven o'clock is gonna be our one chat weekly format, put it in your calendar and then tell your honey Honey, I'd like to do one chat. Weekly format. This is how it works at 7 p.m. On Monday. Does that work for you like? No, I can't do Monday. Can we do Tuesdays? Okay, find change it. But at least you started. Now you have some commitment. How does this all come together? Last part is the money Master roadmap daily nurture Don't act. I'm not gonna write all down. You write it down. These could be different rules and how to be all mine. What are you gonna do? Daily nurture? Don't knack, admit your mistakes. You can totally take fine. You don't have to think of anything else. If you live by this, your life is good and your honey's life is good weekly. Now you can write down one chat once I weekly format. Awesome. Now you know what to do daily. Now you know what to do Weekly. You already know what to do monthly. You already know where you are. You know your money mask. You know your net worth or you will assume that you fill up that sheet. You got some new beliefs. You got emotions that are going to serve you to get you to where you want to be. Unbelievable. I'm just I want to show you right now. Let's fill this in. You just learn this daily. Put this on your map. Get your map out. Make sure you got it. Put it on your map. Intentions. It's the EU's unconditional love. Unconditional love. Okay, you write it. I don't need to write it. Unconditional acceptance. Understanding. Wow. Awesome. Now I know what to do daily. You have it on your map. It's on your wall. You can see it every single day. Me reminded. Money mastery, richer relationship rules to live by their write here, write it down. If you want to make your own rules, have new rules. This is your personal money, master road map. These questions I'm gonna give you later. So you're gonna get those questions. You know, like what we do every night. You don't have to do it every night. You do any time, but we do it every single night. We ask each other these questions. Your homework opened the can of worms have your money talk tonight at a minimum within the next 24 hours. Schedule your Kim June money date. Kim Jim, Know your money to grow your money? That's the four areas, right? Your goals, your mask, your net worth and your action tab. It's all in the spreadsheet. You everything that you have. So schedule it. I'm not asking you to do it, but the end of the month is coming or wherever you are. When you're watching this, schedule it. What did you? You're gonna have your money date, talk to your honey or look in your calendar first, and then talk to him or her. Gather your statements for the network tab. I'm still giving you like, baby steps for the network town because it is sometimes overwhelming toe like have to gather everything. If you have a lot of stuff, it could take a long time. So just start. There's on its on your manual. I don't have the page exactly right now. But go in your manual in that section where it talks about No, it to the note to grow up money system. And it says what? What, um, accounting together statements for I just gather him. So now you have them in one place and you're ready you're ready. You're ready. Okay. And that is about it. So Great day. That was a lot of information. I hope that was fun and exciting and interesting and revealing. And just so much that you learned. So don't forget to go apply it.