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Lesson 8 from: Leadership Skills for New Managers

Cory Caprista

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Lesson Info

8. Vulnerability

Lesson Info


So now we're gonna talk about, we have this bedrock now, or at least we have the starting stages of the bedrock of values. Now we're gonna talk about like what it takes to go and step out and communicate and really let that expression flow. And that's vulnerability. We have to risk something in order to get something. Why is vulnerability so challenging? Well, it's again, because there's a risk involved and what are those risks? Well, what we're combating is first of all, shame. If we put ourselves out there and we get negative feedback, we could feel shame and shame is coded into our brains, hardware in our brains, to be a very powerful control mechanism. Basically shame comes up so that we don't get out of sort of step with our community or our tribe and they get excommunicated and out on our own as human beings, we're not so competitive in nature. As a group, super powers. As an individual, harder to survive. So it can mean death ultimately to have this sort of be socially excommuni...

cated in our developmental past. That shame trigger still exists even though the environment is not exactly the same. So this is really what we're pushing up against. Another one, and this is a little bit more personal, is I'm not enough. This is sort of the core fear for most people. I've done enough of a couple shades. I'm not lovable enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough from sort of a moral place. I'm not enough if you look at what you're afraid of, a lot of times it comes down to, I'm not enough. One thing to note that might make you feel better is that everyone is sort of dealing with that and two just to name it, takes away some of its power. It comes off as like, oh I don't wanna do this or I don't wanna do that and we kind of get lost in the circumstances. Like I'm afraid of public speaking or I'm afraid of taking this job. But what we're really hiding from often is like that core fear of I'm not enough. It really helps to take that face on and just name it. Vulnerability also takes going beyond being a business robot, which is very safe. It's very protected, very professional. We will not get in trouble. We will not get fired probably by being a business robot. You're like, I didn't know he was gonna do the robot. He started and then he went for it, great. But you probably also won't get where you wanna go by being one. This is the safe play. This is the nerfification of our lives. And we're risking that negative judgment. People are judging us all the time. People are judging us all the time. So just lean into that. They're judging us all the time. Okay, so what is possible if we can get past this? Well, networking that doesn't stink. Because by being vulnerable we can actually talk about what we care about and build report with people, which is real connection and when we're networking with colleagues or people in the industry, we can build real relationships instead of like these business relationships that we both wanna get out of as fast as possible. Like we drink a ton because we're uncomfortable 'cause it sucks. And that's not real. I mean, these are exaggerations, but the idea is that networking can be so awful, which makes us wanna avoid it, which means that we don't network and then we don't have as big of a community that we can really rely on and be resourced by. So if we're able to be real and be vulnerable and be ourselves as much as possible, then we can have real relationships and that's energizing. And it's exhausting to play a character, especially when you play a character that's really far off from your real self. We're all playing characters. We're all wearing masks in ways. But the closer our masks are to the real self, the less energy draw there is to maintain that character. And it helps us shed imposter syndrome because we can find ways to actually just be real about what we're dealing with, without losing our power or authority or confidence. We could be confident and have doubts. We can be confident in how we deal with hey stuff comes up for me. I'm feeling imposter syndrome. I'm dealing with it. And we're able to actually do some prestige leadership, which is gonna be our goal in some places. Okay, so what does it take? It takes courage. There's no way around it. Courage only exists in the face of fear. You can't be courageous if there is no fear. If they're kind of in the (mumbles) way. They are together. So if we embrace our fear, we can embrace our courage and trust that we actually have what we need to do what we need to do. It takes compassion first for self and also for others. When we're in this sort of adversarial place, it becomes a very cold world, when we're judging ourselves and judging others, but when we bring compassion, which is really thoughtfulness plus love frequency. It's like I'm loving towards myself, towards others as much as possible, plus I'm thoughtful, I'm thinking about them or myself or others and then we get compassion. Now, next, authenticity is what it takes. So that's knowing self and being willing to share self. Sometimes it's a discovery. It is an ongoing discovery process of who we are, but being engaged in that and being committed to that, boom. And lastly, it takes discomfort, discomfort. There's no way around that. So get use to it. Learn how to dance with discomfort rather than trying to erase discomfort. Mission first, get into it action-taker, haulin' truck loads of love, laughter, and presence. What is that? That's my leadership identity. So I wrote out a leadership identity of 15 words or less, that's mine. Does that sound kind of like me based on the short time we've spent together? Yeah, it's pretty close, right? Kinda get that vibe from me, hopefully. So the goal is for you to do one for yourself. So I want you to think of your leadership identify statement and I want you to describe it in 15 words or less. Don't try to get it perfect. I wrote mine the first time and it was exactly 15 words and I didn't edit it a single time. That was very lucky. If it's slightly more than 15 words or slightly less, that's okay. It's supposed to be short 'cause it really is making a choice. So I want you to just write out, it could be just adjectives about yourself as a leader or a little sentence about yourself as a leader. I'm gonna give you only like 30 seconds. It's just writing some thoughts about yourself as a leader. Who are you? Who do you want to be? You'll be able to go back later and edit it or revise it. This is sort of that blink reaction time where just write what's there for you. Write who you've always been. Who would the 10-year-old version of you be proud of to see? Does anyone have one that they could share even if it's incomplete? Okay, so I wrote result oriented with a goal to be charismatic, lovable, inspiring and risk-taking. Beautiful. And I would say remove the what the goal to be. Just write it as if you are. Okay. It's your statement. You're claiming it. 'Cause when we put in those words just or I'm trying or is my goal, it takes us a little bit removed from it rather than being in us and part of us already. That's beautiful though. So what were those key words at the end? It was like charismatic. Lovable, inspiring and risk-taking. Wow. I wanna be managed by that person. Does anyone else have another one they wanna share? Warm yourself and people with the education inspiration to keep growing. Wow. That's what I'm most passionate about. Yeah, warm yourself and people. That's very evocative. There's like a lot of stuff that goes into warming yourself and warming people. It takes probably like a lot to show up everyday like that. Like the self-management it takes to be a warm person in a world of this much challenge. That's very inspiring to me. Let's hear one more, Adreano. Get vision across honestly, positively and make things better and have fun. Wow, yeah. Make things better is such a cool part of that statement, 'cause it's like, yeah, I'm just trying to make things better. You can apply make things better everywhere. It's infinite, right? There's an infinite need for better. There's entropy in the universe. Things are in a stage of decay. That's how we move from order to disorder. So we can walk around all day and make things better. That's great. That's a very inspiring, long-term, infinite one. Thanks for sharing those. That's awesome. And you can see there might have been a little tension in you like around sharing that or not. There's cameras and things like that, but more importantly, it's really like you're kinda showing yourself to people. So just notice what that felt like when you did share or when you were thinking about sharing. That's the same resistance that's gonna show up day-to-day when you leave here. However you thought about that. So we talked about this vulnerability. It's hey, be real. When keeping it real goes wrong, Dave Chappelle's skit, you don't wanna be when keeping it real goes wrong. But when you can do it professionally, be as real as possible. And that goes with maintain authority. We don't want you to lose your respect or authority to be authentic and real. So use your judgment. Don't give away your knowing your intuition just because I'm telling you to be more real. And last, I would say make it a game. One of the most powerful perspectives in life is that it's a game. So how do you wanna play? Do you wanna be someone who plays scared? Do you wanna be someone who plays big? In Adreano's case, someone who plays fun. In Deanna's case, someone who plays warm. Make it a game for yourself and figure out how you wanna play.

Class Materials

Bonus Materials with Purchase

Cory Caprista - Leadership Skills Workbook

Ratings and Reviews

Mandy Hamilton

I absolutely love this course. Cory is such a good speaker/teacher. He seamlessly pulls in useful frameworks and how-to instructions throughout. I highly recommend this program to existing managers or aspiring managers. It will benefit those who have been in leadership for years or those who are just stepping into the role.

Sylvie Leroy

Super interesting. Clear explanations on the process to become a manager. Lot of useful information and exercices. Highly comprehensive. Thank you!

Tatie Diallo

wow amazing class and content and Cory is making it sounds so easy. Thanks

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