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Bonus Lesson: How To De-escalate

Lesson 15 from: FAST CLASS: The Power of Negotiation

Vanessa Van Edwards

Bonus Lesson: How To De-escalate

Lesson 15 from: FAST CLASS: The Power of Negotiation

Vanessa Van Edwards

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Lesson Info

15. Bonus Lesson: How To De-escalate

Lesson Info

Bonus Lesson: How To De-escalate

Now let's talk about de escalating so occasionally, unfortunately, sometimes get into negotiation and emotions get peaked. What do you do? Let's look at the science first of anger. So anger is usually the one that if we're gonna escalate, that's usually what happens first. Some interesting science about anger and I thought really hard about teaching this slide, but I think it's important for you guys to know the Science. One first study Journal of Applied Psychology. Anger does influence people to make more concessions. There was a correlation that when people got angry, it made the other side give up more. However, this study was was people were like, Oh, it's good to get angry. All these, you know, Then pops. I articles came out yelling Your next interview him. Oh my God, they didn't follow up. Studies Study number two. Yes, anger does produce concessions that was verified, However, It also led to more retaliatory actions later, so it was a short term win for a long term lose. So ang...

er, I don't think is ever worth it. Even if you say to me over Ness is just a one time negotiation, I still don't think it's worth it. So here's what I try to do when I'm trying to de escalate from anger. There's a couple different things scientifically, scientifically speaking, labeling it so Matthew Lieberman at U. C. L A fell. At the moment you name an emotion. It lowers that emotional activity in the brain. You couldn't do this for yourself. So you can say, Gosh, I feel really frustrated. And that actually helps your brain be like, Oh, I've been seen and heard, you know, kind of like angry toddlers. They're like, see me see me the moment you say I see you. It's like, OK, kind of the same thing in the brain a little bit. So once you name it, it works out. This works for you as well as for them. So if you see escalation happening, the first thing I would actually say is call out what you see very gently. You can say I am so sorry. This is frustrating. I know this is really frustrating. I completely understand how in period and this is I know I'm just as frustrated as you. I know how difficult this must be. Second thing. Take a breather, right? If that does not work and you're in a professional setting and you've just named or labelled on emotion, and it does not help. They keep going. This is the time where, professionally, you want to try to add a pause. So this could be You know what? I get some water. I'm gonna run to the bathroom. Can we just take a quick break? Could be very small is that that also gives them a moment to be like So I like the way this negotiation is going. I think I might just yelled at someone. Let's go back to an area so we can say, You know what? Let's let's pause here for a second, even just saying the word pause can help bring a little bit of calm to the room. Let's go back to the yes ladder. Now we call it the s letter, but let's go back to some things we can agree upon. And that's when you hot back on the the calm topics or silence. Here is the point. And I just said, I know I will not want to work with that person again. I believe that escalation is a very important signal for possibly a client you don't wanna have or a higher you don't wanna have or partner you don't wanna have. This is the moment where you decide it's worth working through it with this person, or this is not the kind of partnership I wanna have. So I don't want to write this down your sheet. But it is good to know on the baton is like What makes you walk away Last one. Use the high road. Never match anger for anger. It never works to try to mirror and match verbally. In that way, we talked about murder in honorably matching, not with anger. Only the positive, the neutral. So I will typically try to go back to the end goal. I stay neutral often times. I'll just reschedule, right? Like like you know what This is This gotten crazy? Let's let's do this under day. It's late in the day. We gotta go to go to lunch. We're all hungry. Were like, you know, Let's let's let's pick this up later in the week. How about that? I'll often do that. Remind them you always have a Plan B. This is also something you can say of like, look like clearly, we're on different pages here. I'm happy to go with someone else. I'm happy to maybe the movies in the best way of working together. That's the last final straw of saying I'm about to take my work away or we're not gonna work together unless you calm yourself down. That could also work as well.

Class Materials

Bonus Materials with Purchase

Worth Audit
Why Negotiation is a Life Skill
Quotes Cheat Sheet
Negotiation Goal Worksheet
Mistakes Cheat Sheet
Best Books on Negotiations
Sample Videos Updated
Negotiation Cheat Sheet
Laws Cheat Sheet
Proposal Templates
They Say, You Say
Raising Your Rates Swipe Files
Money Scripts
Gotcha Moments
Deadlock Cheat Sheet
Cold Pitch Swipe Files
Case Study - Wedding Photographer
Case Study - Corporate Speaker
Asking for a Raise Swipe FIle
The Power of Negotiation Workbook

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