8. Coaching Demos
We're gonna do a quick coaching demo like we did before and we're gonna practice playing with endings. We already heard a few amazing endings, specifically having to do with roller skate calves, (laughing) but we can still play with any of these that you already offered. So if you are somebody that wants to play with the endings of your story, knowing that you're not gonna tell the story out in the world, but it's a place for us to learn using your story, I'd love to take a volunteer. And when you come on up you can bring your microphone. It's Fiona everybody. Fiona, right? Yes. That's right. See, I remember things sometimes. Good memory. I know. Okay, fantastic, so you're gonna take it from the top, you're gonna tell us a story about something you loved to do when you were a kid. You don't have to try to make an ending, just tell us a story and then we're gonna help you make an ending, okay? Great, because I don't have an ending. Okay, that's great, that's perfect. I'm g...
onna use a story I used earlier today. So when I was a little girl, I loved going on long road trips with my family because my siblings and I would look out the windows and try to spot an animal and if we found an animal my dad would give us candy. So it was such a big treat to get candy and also just look out the window and see what there was to see outside. Great. So I'm gonna go back to my list of prompts here. So, what might, and if you have another offer outside of these prompts that's great. What might we wanna play with here? What might we wanna see what works? A wish for them. A wish for them, that's great, I love that. So, really think about what would your wish be for the room based on your story? I'd say that I'd wish for people to look out the window with the same fascination as we do when we're children. I mean, you're done, thank you very much. (audience laughing) No, I'm serious, you're done, thank you very much. (laughing) Great, so somebody find a mic and tell me what happened right there. What did you see happen right there? The story became an analogy and it's amazing like the story almost became a setup for the conclusion which is really strong. Really strong. What's interesting, too, is you could take that and put it at the front end or the back end, couldn't you? It's almost more delightful to have it be at the back end 'cause we're hearing this whole story about you but no, it's actually about us and like how we might see the world. Love that, love that. What a surprise, yeah, it's afternoon time. What a surprise, it's so wonderful. So that's great. Anybody else wanna say what they noticed happen? I noticed that she like checked off the four different prompts that you have there. It wasn't only just that it was her hope but she was recommending that we look out the window, that we take the action to be more present in the road trip, and just an invitation to really see out the window. (laughing) Yes. Okay, who's next? Everybody's like I'm not going after that, no. That's okay, I don't really wanna talk about that either. No, these are all the things that are at play and that can happen. And sometimes, these are beautiful stories from our childhood, just so fun to hear what people find as special, but even when we're thinking about something that is concrete in business, even when we're thinking about maybe you're an entrepreneur and you're looking for funding and you're pitching, like how you end really does matter. Whether it's making a super explicit ask for the cash that you, the investment capital that you're looking for, or if you're looking for a meeting, be concrete about those last words, it really does matter. So I love that and any time we can make something about our bigger lives, I would invite you to do that 'cause it's so often very resonant for the room. And if you can straddle both having it be something concrete about business, about advancing the work you're doing in the world and speaking to sort of our bigger lives and you can pull that off, I would say yes, please go for it. So let's hear another one. Does anybody else have an example? Great. So, you can take it from the top here of your story and we'll help you craft an ending, you don't have to come up with something fancy now. Alright. We wanna let the room sort of explore how might we end this. So, yeah. When I was growing up, I loved reading children's books and I could just read and read, especially children's books from around the world. Like Oscar Wantle And Brother Grimm and some of the Chinese or Greek folktales and it made me kinda wonder, almost just go to different bodies or become different animals and explore the world differently. So, that's it. That's great, okay. So what might we want? A hope or a wish or recommendation, an action we can take, or an invitation? Hope or wish. Hope or a wish. Let's try a different one 'cause we heard one. Yeah, yeah, I mean I love that but let's explore a different one. An action that we can take. An action we can take, good. So, tell us the story again and end in something you'd like us to do. Okay. When I was growing up, I loved reading children's books from around the world. From Brother Grimm to Greek mythology to old folk Chinese stories and Arabic stories and it just gave me this sense of presence as like going through different lives in a way. I really hoped that more adults would be able to read children's books in their life as well because it will give you this sense of permission for you to be curious again and be a kid again. And what's the action? The action? What action would you like us to take based on your story? Oh, okay. The action is I would love to invite you guys to be able to not only read children's books for your kids but also read it for yourself sometime. Great, does that feel like an action? Not quite, close right? Why are you shaking your head? We're gonna do it again, we're gonna do it again. Because she said, I guess it didn't, I would like it to be more like action, like I challenge you. Yes! Like join me. Yes, yes, identify a genre that you like and read one this year. Yeah, the thing that's interesting about this is that each of these prompts are gonna have a different hardness to them. Some of them are very soft and open and spacious. Some of them are gonna be very just reflective. Some of them are gonna be very driving, my recommendation to you is this. And some of them are going to be very challenging. An action item can feel, it doesn't have to feel like a challenge, but it is more direct that way. So do it again and see if you can make that, see what it feels like to make, at the end of your story keep it really brief, to make the ask in a very direct and succinct way. Okay, great, thank you. Alright, thanks. When I was growing up, I loved reading children's stories from around the world. From Oscar Wantle to ancient Greek or Rome of Chinese folk stories and it really gave me chance to experience the world when I'm reading. So I challenge every each one of you getting a chance to read a children's book. Good, do it one more time and let's be even more direct or more specific about when. Like when do you want me to do that? At some time in my life? Like this summer? During fall? When would you like me to do this? And can you aim my attention towards something very specific like how might I, I don't read these books, how might I choose one? So you're giving me a very robust action. Okay. Try it again. Okay, when I was growing up, I loved reading children's books. And I would read and read and experiencing stories from Europe to Asia to Middle East countries and African stories and it gives me a chance to explore the world without leaving my bedroom. And I challenge you guys to pick your favorite book by next week, read at least one book a week and see how this is gonna change your attitude in life and your career. Good, give her a round of applause. Very good. (audience clapping) Thank you, you can take that with you. Okay, really good. So what happened when she got more specific about the ask? Did it change it at all? How did it change it? It's like, me? Oh, it's like it engages me, it's not an abstract idea. Right, it kinda puts you on the hook a little bit. It's a task. Yeah, it's a task. That's a good way to think about it. Like a real task. The other thing that I notice is that it feels more immediate and sort of less like nebulous about when I might do that. What would you like more from in an ask? Or in an action request? What would you like more of as a listener? Right here. I guess I would want to know a little bit more like the direct benefits, how it's going to transform my life by taking that action. Great, and now we're getting into sort of the story arc but these two are very linked. The more concrete, I think the more concrete the ask is, the more concrete the rationale has to be. It's not just a story to create an atmosphere and sort of a different perspective but the more concrete things become, we can't come out of something super abstract and get really concrete without some, yes, some tighter story line around there. Yes, back here, Fiona. I was gonna say something very similar. What do I get out of it when you're asking me to do something. Yes, because it takes effort, doesn't it? So I wanna use that, thank you for that, it was great, and I wanna just, because we're all talking about personal stories in here, I just wanna bridge over to the business context a little bit more and recognize that when we're asking our audiences to do something based on the story that we're telling, and when I say story I mean whatever, if it's a deck that you're doing, a thesis you're sharing, a strategy you're developing and sharing, et cetera, a product strategy, a road map, whatever they might be, that the action needs to be pretty robust and pretty specific. Because if you ask me to do something but you don't help me understand how big or small that ask is by telling me when you'd like it or how much time it might take me to do it, it's gonna be really a lot harder for me to say yes. So, think about your last words in a business context as really being, don't skimp on being super specific. It feels kinda funny because on the one hand you feel like, "Well, now I feel like I might be "being too bossy, too much of a boss, "telling people what to do." But instead, you have to reframe it as a way to help people understand what their level of commitment would be in the ask so they can say yes, no, maybe. So you can negotiate with them on what it might be. And you're more likely to get it when you're more specific. So that maybe doesn't offer, that doesn't stand when you think about hope and wish, that's more about the impact, but if there's an action outcome portion of it, we wanna be very specific on what is the ask, when do you want me to do it by, and what kind of resource is it gonna take to do it? My own time, time from my team, is there ongoing commitment for that, et cetera. Yeah, really, really good. Okay, let's do one more quick demo and then we're gonna move on to a section around feedback for ongoing continued growth. One more, anyone? Yeah, great, thanks. Okay so you'll use the same story or you wanna pick another one? I wanted to pick another one. Okay, great, great. It's more from my present. Okay perfect, I love that, I love that. So I like to get scared and I do that by white water kayaking. So I go on these rapids and they're terrifying and I throw myself down the river and I think it's good as adults that we get scared. That's great. Tell it to us again and can you tell us about maybe how you got hooked on it first? Do you remember? Yeah, well so I was living in England and I started sea kayaking and then I tried the white water kayaking and I was terrified and actually up until recently, if I was going kayaking on the weekend, I'd start getting scared on Wednesday night. (laughing) I would start having trouble sleeping Wednesday night but I kept doing it. I've been kayaking for about 20 years now. And can you tell us a little bit about why it's important for you to get scared regularly? So I believe that, especially as adults, we stay in our comfort zones and so what happens is we get used to being with staying in what's familiar, what's comfortable, and our comfort zones shrink around us and so by, like I'm scared right now and I feel my heart thumping and so by challenging myself and being scared I feel alive, I get present. When I'm white water kayaking I have to be present, I cannot be thinking about what I should have said in that meeting or the project that's due next week, I have to be completely present. Great, so what would you like from her? Would you like a wish or a hope from her for us? Would you like a recommendation? Would you like an action or would you like an invitation? Invitation. An invitation. No really, an invitation, tomorrow at 6 A.M., you can pick me up at my house. (laughing) No, good. Let's go paddling this weekend. Well I invite you to step into what scares you. If you feel your breath getting a little faster, your heart beating, step into that versus shying away. Think about in the next week, is there something you could do to get off the couch, to push yourself forward, to stand on the ledge and feel that fear and do it anyway? That's nice, right? Very good, thank you. (audience clapping) Go ahead and have a seat, you can take it with you. Really good. Okay, so what happened there? This is the last one we'll do before we move on. So what happened there for us? You all are getting really good at this. What happened there? Yes. I really liked that she's like I'm going to invite you but actually I'm just telling you to take an action this week. Like this week do something, yeah, yeah. That's great. Here's an invitation and if that sounds interesting, do it this week. Yeah, that's great, I love that. Uh huh, great, sure. Also the content is pretty intense. The idea of sort of intentionally putting yourself into a scare thrill that has a physical aspect to it. It's not just go watch a scary movie. It has an achievement attached to it. So to have that be an invitation to do something that challenges you, also what I loved about it was it wasn't go kayaking. It was like find your own version of it. Right, great. So what was this story about? Yes, right here, Reena. Thank you. The story was about facing your fears. Right, that's what I think of as the big A, agenda of the story. Like the big A about, not the little a. It was about kayaking but it's about this other thing. And how you finished help us know that. We don't have to hide that so much. You know, there's an expression I hear sometimes from a lot of creators about being too on the nose and there are moments when you can be too on the nose, too obvious, too direct about that. But we also, when we don't have a lot of time in these moments, it's okay to be pretty on the nose. And you did that in a way that worked really well. Good, what else did you notice? Yes, back here, Fiona. I kinda I got that message as well but what I also got is to find something that draws you out of your life in the sense of letting go of worries and the past and just being completely immersed in the moment. Yeah, presence was a really strong theme in there too, as well. And I think all these, the way we set things up and the way we conclude them help draw that. Yes, right here. I felt like more than facing your fears it was like going after them. Oh yeah, that's great. That's great. And that's an interesting, so there's a couple of different interpretations here and that just goes to let, recognizing that we're telling a story but our story is at a dance with everyone's own, the lens everyone is all looking through themselves. So in that way it is, while she may be saying, this is about thrilling yourself, you're hearing something just a little bit different but in that same theme and that's okay. We don't need to hold too tightly to that. That's why I talk about control isn't about controlling others. When you're the captain of your own ship, you're driving your own story and you're sort of in the ocean of, your boat is in the ocean that is everyone listening. So, really, really good work. I love this, I think out of these four boss moves, speed, volume, beginnings, and endings, if you could pick one to work on going forward, I'd love for you to think of that now 'cause I'm gonna ask you a little bit about it later.
Ratings and Reviews
This is a super helpful class! It helped open my eyes to how to communicate better just by changing the speed and volume of how I talk, as well as paying attention to the beginning and end points. She is easy to listen to and follow, both a good teacher and speaker. I loved the exercises she did live with the audience members, and I felt a lot of their feedback was helpful too. I liked her teaching style, and I could definitely watch her for a 3 day seminar if I had to, but luckily this class is short, concise, with no fluff and very helpful.
Dia's style of coaching is fantastic. Its not a one size fits all approach and she is skilled in relaying her feedback in a way that is incredibly constructive and supportive. Dia's energy is genuine and sincere. It's her personality and presence that kept all of us engaged and wanting to learn more.